


Blind Warrior Walks Alone

by thatonedudewiththename



Series: What Doesn't Kill Me [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Blind!Raph, Fluff and Angst, Gen, No pairings - Freeform, episode AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 15:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2552513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonedudewiththename/pseuds/thatonedudewiththename
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Raph doesn't regain his eyesight. Takes place after the events of Lone Raph and Cub.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind Warrior Walks Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I need more blind!raph in my life tbh. Cute non-romantic donnie/raph interactions, but that's the extent of the pairings. I wanted this fic to focus on Raph and how he'd deal with not being able to see.

Despite his hopes that his blindness was only temporary, there Raph was, sitting on the roof of some building across the street from the police station, lost in the cloud of blackness that was now the only thing he would ever see, probably for the rest of his natural life. "Nah, come on, Raphie, don't you go givin' up hope just yet." Raph tried to pep talk himself into cheering up. "Maybe Donnie can do something."  
Reaching into his waistband, he pulled out his shell cell and pressed the sides to open it; thank the gods for uncomplicated technology. He placed his hand onto the surface of the cell and felt around for the button that would automatically call Don... there! It was pressed, and then the shell cell was held up to his ear, the ringing triggering a chain reaction of thoughts until the only thing he was able to think about was: _'I'm never going to see their faces ever again.'_ Tears pricked at his eyes, and before he knew it he was sobbing uncontrollably, crying still even when Donatello answered his shell cell. "What's up, Raph?" He said in a lighthearted sort of way, but when he heard the crying his tone changed to one of urgency. "Raph? Are you OK? What's going on?"  
"Don..." Raph choked, "I need ya to come pick me up..."  
"Sure, sure, where are you?"  
"I-I'm across from the police station... I don't know, bro..." Raph was calming down a little, but he still found it hard to talk past the burning in his throat.  
On the phone, he could hear Donnie moving around, as well as fast typing. "I'm locked on to your signal, we'll be there in a-"  
"No! No, I... I'd prefer if ya came alone. I just..." Raph sighed, rubbing his face clear of tears. "Gonna need some time before I want the others to... see me." A few stray tears ran down his face, which were wiped away distractedly.  
Silence on the other end, and then- "Alright, Raph. I'll be there soon."  
"Thanks, Donatello."

Raph hadn't realized that he'd drifted off until he heard light footsteps coming near him. He jerked awake, frightened for a moment until he remembered that he couldn't see. "That you, Don?" He asked in a low tone.  
"Yeah. Can't you...?" The footsteps stopped. There was some shifting, and then Donnie walked closer, although slower than before. "Raph," Don began, "are you... blind?"  
Raph didn't want to answer that. No, he _couldn't_ answer, because if he did, then that meant this was all really happening; he really did lose his eyesight, he really would be blind for the rest of his life, he really would never see his family's faces ever again. So, instead of replying, he just dropped his head, covering his face with his hands, more tears dripping out of his eyes. He hiccupped, shoulders shaking.  
He heard Donnie make a small noise of shock and disbelief. "Oh my god... Raph, what happened?"  
A hand on his shoulder made Raph flinch, but when he sensed Donnie's aura he calmed down. "I was helpin' this kid; some mob goons were after 'im, and then the skinny guy threw a grenade'a some kind at him, so I jumped in front, and then..." Raph sniffed and wiped his eyes under his mask. "I couldn't see no more."  
"Aww, Raphael," Don pulled Raph into his arms, hugging him tightly. Raph allowed it for the time being, but after a while he pulled away, the weight of Don's hand still on his forearm. "It was probably a flash grenade that he threw. You're lucky, you could've lost a lot more than your vision, those things are lethal at close distance." Don told him.  
"I don't _feel_ lucky." Raphael grumbled, feeling himself being pulled up to a standing position, and then led by hand to what was probably the fire escape. "Where ya takin' me, bro?"  
"To the Battle Shell, so I can examine you better."  
"Oh, ya got it fixed?"  
"Ehh, kinda. Still needs some work. Drop over the edge, the landing's just below you."  
Raph sat on the edge of the roof, his right hand still in Donnie's left. "You sure?"  
"Don't worry, I gotcha."  
Slowly, Raph slipped off and fell down, landing clumsily onto the first tier of the fire escape. Not long after, he heard Donnie land behind him, their hands still in each other's, Don now leading him down to the ladder, and then to street level. "I'm parked in the next alley over, OK? "  
"Yeah yeah, let's just get goin'."  
As they crept along, Donnie remarked, "I see going blind hasn't changed your attitude much."  
"You know me, the ray of sunshine here to brighten everyone's day."  
Donnie laughed, and for a moment Raph thought he saw him; smiling, hand in his, the tails of his mask billowing out behind him as he walked along. It was gone so quickly Raph wasn't sure he'd even seen it at all, until it happened again when Donnie said, "We're here.", although this time, it was slower to fade; there was his brother, standing with one hand on a car door, the other holding his, his expression one of restrained worry and sadness. Raph was so surprised he gasped uncharacteristically loud.  
"What?" Donatello questioned, the fading image of him blinking back to life before slowly fading back to black.  
"I just... I just saw you! I could see for a second!" Raph cried.  
"What? How?!"  
"I-I dunno! You were talkin', and it was like the sounds made pictures!" Raph felt himself being turned around and pulled with a sense of urgency, pushed up a ramp and sat down in a chair.  
"This is good, Raph, this is really, really good! This means your other senses are trying to make up for your loss of sight. Who knows, maybe this is temporary."  
Raphael felt his mask being removed, then felt a slight warmth on the top of his nose and around his eyes. Donnie hrmmed, which warranted some clinking and the absence of the warmth. Sometimes he felt Donnie touch his face around his eyes, but for the most part he just sat there while Don did things probably, for a lengthy amount of time, until he started to yawn. "Are you done yet? I'm tired." He asked, yawning once more.  
"Almost," Donnie answered. After a moment, he said, "Alright, examination finished. It'll be a while before I can tell you anything specific, as I have to go over the data at the lair."  
Raph nodded, feeling around for his seatbelt and strapping in. He heard Don mess around with some equipment or other before walking to the driver's seat and putting the Battle Shell into gear.

They drove in silence, save for the occasional honk of a car horn or rattling of the Battle Shell over a pothole, finally reaching the warehouse above their home. Raph felt Donnie hold his hand and lead him to the stone elevator, which he heard come up to meet them. Inside, he smelled the familiar scent of sewer, pizza, sweat, and incense; the smell of home. The burning in his throat returned, but he stopped it before it got too intense by taking deep breaths and squeezing Don's hand tightly. There was a squeeze in response, followed by, "Do you want me to tell them, or do you want to do it?"  
"Uh, I... I think you should do it. I might... I might not..." Raph closed his non-functioning eyes and rubbed his free hand over his face.  
He heard a small sound come from Donnie, but it was too brief to be sure what it was. "Ok, Raph."  
There was a heavy thud as the elevator came to rest at the floor of their home. Whoosh went the doors, and almost instantly Raph heard the pattering of feet and April and Casey's shoes. "Raphael! You're back!" Leo cried.  
"Bro, are you alright? You look terrible." Casey asked.  
"Why are you two holding hands?" Mikey questioned.  
"What happened, Raph?" April asked, her tone full of concern.  
The burning returned, much, much stronger this time; Raph knew that if he didn't leave soon, he'd break down crying in front of all of them. His hand had a death grip on Donnie's, who most likely saw his brother's discomfort and told the others, "Give us a minute, ok guys?"  
Raph was pulled along gently, the feeling of being watched on his shell the entire time. He heard low whispers, only being able to make out a few words here and there of what his family was saying: "Leo, why is... leading... like that?" That was Mikey, probably.  
"I dunno, Mikey, but... feeling... out." Leo spoke now.  
"Did you see... way he looked? I ain't never... him so..." Casey said.  
The blind turtle was helped onto the sofa, Donnie's hand leaving his only to be placed on his right shoulder. "I'll be right back, Raph, just sit tight." Donatello said, to which Raphael only replied with a nod. The hand left his shoulder.  
Hearing Don's footsteps grow further away, Raph turned a bit in his seat to better hear what went on. Thankfully, the acoustics were better wherever the group of five were, so he didn't have to strain his ears much. "This is... going to come as a shock to you guys, but... Raph is, _blind."_ Donnie told them. _'Straight to the point, good job.'_ Raph thought.  
This information was followed by many gasps and one loud "What?!" that was most likely Mikey's doing. "Blind?! But... how?!" April asked.  
"He jumped in front of a flash grenade saving a kid from some mob thugs." Donnie answered.  
Someone punched something; Casey, probably. "This is... I can't... oh, I need to sit down." Yep, Casey.  
"Is he gonna... be ok, Donnie?" Mikey's voice sounded really small and childish, but also sad.  
"I still need to analyze the data I have and do some more research, but from what I can tell, this is most likely permanent." Don replied.  
Raph made a noise like all the air just got sucker punched out of him. He doubled over, his shaking hands coming up to cover his face, which was starting to heat up due to the impending tears he was about to shed. They came like a storm, waves of salty water cascading down his face, crashing to the concrete floor, racking his body until he was too weak to sit and fell sideways onto the sofa cushion. His entire body ached from him trying not to make a sound so the others couldn't hear him sob. Master Splinter always said that crying was good for the soul, but right now it felt like his soul was kicking him senseless from the inside, and he didn't want anyone to see that. He laid there on the grungy sofa, curled in a ball, weeping silently, until he felt consciousness leave him.

*

Again, when he woke, he was scared and confused, until he remembered his sightlessness and calmed down. He swung his legs out onto the cold concrete floor and stood up, only to nearly trip over a fleshy lump laying in his way. "Jesus-! What the shell?" He hissed and stretched his leg over the lump before he continued on his way, hands out in front of him and feet testing every step. He wasn't sure where he was going; not hungry, don't need to pee or nothin', and he wasn't tired. Restless, maybe? That was probably it.  
His foot caught something on the ground, causing it to bounce a little and roll a few feet from him. Dropping to his knees, he patted around until he found it. It was long and smooth, with cloth wrapped around the middle section; Donnie's bostaff, had to be. "I don't think he'll mind if I borrow this for a bit," he mumbled quietly to himself as he stood. Using the staff, he felt around in front of him, and soon found himself in the doorway of someone's bedroom. "Anybody in here?" He asked sort of quietly, as he wasn't sure what time it was.  
Shuffling, pattering of feet. "Just me, Raph." Leonardo answered, equally as silent.  
"Were you sleepin'? I don't know what time it is, so..."  
"No, no, meditating. Do you need something? I could-"  
"I'm fine, chill out."  
"O-oh."  
Raph leaned on the bostaff, his mind wandering. It was then he remembered their missing sensei and asked, "Any luck finding Dad?"  
He heard Leo shift. "Not yet. Donnie, April, and Casey are out searching now."  
"What about Mikey?"  
"He wanted to stay behind and look after you. He fell asleep in front of the sofa."  
"So _that's_ what I tripped over! Almost fuckin' broke my neck."  
His attempt at lightening the mood was a shot in the dark (if you'll excuse the pun), which failed somewhat badly. There was an awkward silence between them for a while, before Raph couldn't stand it any longer. "What time is it, anyway?"  
"Half past one; you slept for a long time."  
"Afternoon?"  
"Morning."  
Raphael oggled a moment. "I slept for a _whole day?"_  
"We didn't want to wake you, you looked like you really needed it."  
Come to think of it, Raph was feeling significantly better; as in, he didn't want to cry every five minutes, or punch something, which was new. His stomach growled angrily, making Leo laugh airily. "Come on, let's get you something to eat."  
Raph felt Leo place a hand on his forearm, letting him follow him to the kitchen and stand near what he guessed was the fridge, if he knew the sound of the door opening well enough. "Let's see... we've got leftover Chinese, some kind of attempt at scrambled eggs, one of Casey's beers, and- eww, ok, that's disgusting."  
Raph chuckled lightly. "I think I'll just have cereal."  
"No milk."  
"Dry cereal, then."  
"Coming right up."  
There was the sound of cupboards opening and closing all around, before Leo triumphantly cried, "Aha! It's still here."  
"What is, your secret box of Lucky Charms?" Raph asked.  
"Shh, Mikey might hear you."  
"Whateva, gimme a bowl already, my stomach's eatin' through my shell."  
Cereal was poured into a bowl, the sound echoing through the lair, causing Raphael to momentarily see the kitchen, Leo, the cereal, and some of the wide open area outside of the kitchen. "Woah," he commented aloud.  
"What?" Leo asked, the sound of the cereal stopping.  
"That thing happened again, with the sound making images."  
"Like what Donnie said? Could you see?"  
"Yeah, but it's gone now."  
There was silence for a beat. Raph heard Leo walk near him, then felt the bowl touch one of his hands. "Here you go, bro."  
"Thanks." Raph started to walk out of the kitchen using the bostaff, toward the sofa and the TV screens. He felt Leo's presence to his back right; close, but not overbearing, like he was letting him find his way on his own, but was there if he needed help. It was comforting. Raph reached the sofa and sat down, eating his dry cereal with Leo next to him and Mikey on the floor as his footrest. "Anythin' on the TV?" He asked his brother.  
"I'll check." Leo said, Raph hearing him get up to look for the remote. Seconds passed, and then there was the sound of the TVs turning on. The sofa dipped, signalling Leo's return to it. "That movie you like about the four adoptive brothers is on again. Wanna, uh, listen to it?"  
Raph nodded, as his mouth was full of Lucky Charms. It sounded like the movie had just started; the four brothers' mother was talking to a kid, who had tried to steal some candy. Raph had seen the movie so many times that he could visualize the scene.  
He'd been so focused on the movie that he hadn't noticed Leo shifting closer to him until the cushion that he was sitting on moved to accommodate another turtle's weight, and the concerned energy of Leo's aura became stronger. Raph almost made a smartass remark about it, but when he heard what sounded like sniffling, he shut his mouth.

April, Donnie, and Casey returned about ten minutes before the movie was over- by that time, Mikey had woken up and was practically glued to Raphael's side, keeping quiet but obviously wanting to say _something._ Raph, however, had tried to get Mikey to leave him alone, but since that clearly wasn't happening, he decided to try and use this to his advantage. "Hey Mikey, gimme a soda, wouldya?" He said, stretching out a little more on the sofa, right arm coming up to rest on the back of the sofa behind Leo.  
"Sure thing, bro! Be right back!" Mikey replied. Raph felt him jump up and heard him race off. "'Scuse me, Don!"  
"Woah!" Don cried, Raph hearing the familiar dainty step of his brother Donnie come near. "What was that?" Don asked.  
Raph merely snickered, feeling the sofa cushion move due to what he could only guess was Leo shaking his head. "Ever since he woke up, Michelangelo's been waiting on Raph hand and foot."  
"Nice." Raph could hear the bemused expression his scientist brother probably made in his voice and did a thumbs up.  
"Here's your soda, Raph!" Mikey announced, the sofa bouncing a little as he landed beside Raph, touching the cold can of pop to his left hand.  
"Thanks." Raphael took it and felt the top to see if it was open or not, and upon finding that it was took a drink. Behind him, two pairs of shoed footsteps walked up to the back of the sofa. "Hey, guys." He raised his right hand, the one behind Leo, in a sort of lazy wave.  
"Hi, Raph." April greeted.  
"What's up, dude?" Casey said.  
Raph motioned with the same hand to the TV, where the movie was nearly over. He felt awkwardness and concern come from the two humans, but did his best to ignore it; to be honest, it made him uncomfortable. The silence continued until the movie finished, and Raph stood up with Donnie's bostaff in one hand and the half-empty soda can in the other. "Hey Don, you don't mind if I borrow ya staff, do ya?" He asked the owner.  
"I actually have something better that I made for you." The bostaff was removed from his hand and was replaced by Donnie's own hand, leading him gently to what was probably his work station. "Wait here."  
"Kay," Raph raised a brow, crossing his large arms over his chest, swirling his soda slowly in its can. Somewhere to his right, he heard clinking and sliding, and the occasional murmured comment Donnie usually made under his breath when he was working. That made Raph smile lightly; he'd always found that kinda endearing, like Mikey and his sketchbook, or Leo and his katanas, only a little more adorable and less irritating or spiritual. Finally, Don whispered "Aha!", followed by something small and metallic falling to the floor.  
"Got it?" Raphael questioned before taking a drink of his Coke Zero.  
"Yup! Hold out your hand."  
"Oookay." In his outstretched hand, Raph felt the cool touch of smooth metal grace his fingers, so he grabbed whatever it was. "What now?"  
"Tap it on the floor- not too hard, though."  
Raising a brow once more, the blind mutant turtle gave his... whatever it was a tap to the concrete floor. The sound resonated, and suddenly his vision was filled with shapes that looked like the inside of the lair that soon faded into nothing. "Holy-! Don!"  
"I call it the Bat Staff, because when you touch it to something the sensors create a sound like echolocation that travels over everything connected to that object for a certain distance, the sound traveling to your ears, heightened by your contact with the staff." Donnie explained.  
"Donnie, this is... I-I don't know what to say." Raph told him in a breathy voice.  
"A thanks would be nice," Donnie was smiling, Raph could hear it.  
Turning to him, Raph tapped his left arm with the staff and smiled when the shape of Donatello grinning, hands resting on his hips, came into view. "How do I look?" Don asked jokingly.  
Raph didn't know why he said it, what brief moment of mental insanity caused him to speak it out loud, but before his own mind could stop him, he answered, "Beautiful."  
There was spluttering, and when Raph's grip on the staff loosened due to shock at his own self, causing it to touch the floor, he "saw" Donnie with one hand on the back of his neck, the other behind his shell, his expression both shocked and flustered. "Uhh, I uh... I don't know why I said that." Raphael said past the soda can he was currently covering his face with; it was probably dark green from embarrassment. 'I'm such a fucking idiot.' He thought, resisting the urge to whack the can against his forehead.  
He heard Don laugh awkwardly and clear his throat. "It's... it's alright, Raph, I uh, it's fine."  
Raph whipped around with the intent to run away from the situation. "Thanks for the staff Don I'm just gonna go to the bathroom now." Before his brother could say anything, Raphael ran as quickly as he could in the direction of the bathroom- which was surprisingly easy thanks to the Bat Staff- and locked himself inside. He sat on the toilet seat, head in his hands, and made this strange cross between a scream and a groan. "What the fuck is _wrong_ with me?!"  
Outside the bathroom door, he heard voices; one of them was Mikey. "Donnie, what'd you do to Raph?"  
"I- _me?!_ Nothing! He's just embarrassed because of the comment he made." Donnie answered.  
"What was it?" Leo said this.  
_'No, Donnie, no.'_ Raph thought, head turned toward the door and unseeing eyes wide.  
"... I'd rather not say."  
Raph sighed, head falling back into his hands. "Why me?"  
There was a light knock on the door. "Raph? Bro, it's Donnie. Look, about what you said earlier, it's-it's OK, really! I mean, you probably weren't thinking or something..."  
Raph thought about telling them to go away, but then decided that just being silent would bode better. So there he stayed, for however long, until he fell asleep on the shower rug.

*

A lot happened in the days and weeks that followed: they found Master Splinter, only to be zapped across the known universe to some planet, chased as fugitives, imprisoned, pitted against alien gladiators, chased as escaped prisoners of war, and then zapped back to Earth as though they were never gone- but with four warring aliens! Things were blown up, the Foot and Shredder showed up- plus the NYPD and SWAT- more aliens, bombs, transmats, so much sound it was dizzying. But Raph managed, and they escaped, with an explosion behind them, with Casey, April, and Master Splinter.

Once they had made it back to the lair, and their injuries were treated, Raph finally had a moment to tell his father that he could no longer see. Unlike when Don had first told the rest of his family, there were no tears; just a calm sadness, and Master Splinter whispering "My son," and cupping his cheek with his paw.

Training was the same as always, only now Raphael had one-on-one sensory sessions with Splinter, to increase his abilities to sense enemies and objects around him. In the weeks that followed, he began to use his Bat Staff less and less to get around, until it was merely a decoration by his bed in his room. Still, sometimes he liked to use it at night when everyone was asleep, just to see his home again.


End file.
